Tired and really confused

Been falling sick easily nowadays. Just recovered from a viral infection and now I’m gonna be facing the worse sickness ever. Loss of appetite. It’s as if the stomach goes on strike and refuse food. I didn’t even realise I forgot my dinner for the past few days. It’s either I can’t eat or I can’t finish half of a proper serving. Today I stepped onto the weighing scale that read 36.6kg. I never thought I would get back to this weight.

My friends are starting to say I lost the glow on my face. They say I look pale and tired all the time. And I can feel it too. My body isn’t functioning well either.

If only I can just give up on everything and not feel bad.

I was tired physically at work today considering the fact I went clubbing last night. It was fun. But short-lived.

Couldn’t sleep at all cos I drank a tad too much. Stomach wasn’t well with the alcohol in it. Got so awful I made multiple attempts to vomit but nothing came out. I was groaning when the time for work drew nearer.

[Youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TDmuEDHVGzw]

The journey to work this morning was torturous. I was agitated at every single action of the passing beings. I was pissed with everything. The bus driver and jam didn’t help either. All I was trying to do was hold back my tears. All I can say I just wish I can cry it all out and get it over and done with. But if only it’s that easy.

Got to work. The girls cheered me up a lot. It was as if there weren’t any worries at all. I laughed for a good 7 hours at work with them. But when it was time for knock off, reality hits back. BAM! Waiting 40 minutes for the bus home wasn’t exactly the comfort I was looking forward to. When the bus finally came, it was packed. I took a cab instead. 15 bucks but at least I got a comfy seat and a white-haired cabbie who warmed my heart by telling me his life back in primary school.

Got home. Ate dinner. Couldn’t finish it.

I finally broke down in front of my half-eaten dinner when my manager texted me asking if everything is fine. It’s tiring to pretend everything is fine. It’s hard to even struggle alone. Friends were there when I needed them. But ultimately, as the skies turn dark, it’s me alone fighting.

Things haven’t been smooth lately. And I’m struggling to keep my mind on track. Is this what I want? Will I regret? Think with my mind or with my heart?

I have no answers to all these questions. And it’s tiring me out as each day passes.

Why must things turn out this way, complicated and ugly?

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2 thoughts on “Tired and really confused

  1. yoyo! i understand wat u r gg thru and i have been thru it recently (n u know how recent it was)
    i talk to my friends abt it and they gave me all sorts of replies that make me think..
    one of them said this “no point wasting time n effort on something that is concrete..move on and you will realise that it is stupid to waste time n effort on tat stuff”
    i was skeptical at first but i pushed myself forward with my friends’ help and i DID actually realise i was wasting time n effort on tat…
    when i said “friends’ help” i mean i talk to, let me count…4 friends, some say good things some say bad but all encourage me. i realise that all the encouragement only got me so far.. so i picked myself up focusing on other stuff like studies, work, FYP and even sports..i must say sports really helped alot..keep ur mind fresh and further more friends are there to share the joy..slowly but surely it will be gone..
    i m not here to throw u into the sea and ask u to swim urself to shore..i can be a life bouy for u and so are ur friends but it is up to u to swim to the shore:)
    hope this help a bit:) jia you!

    Like

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