Been falling sick easily nowadays. Just recovered from a viral infection and now I’m gonna be facing the worse sickness ever. Loss of appetite. It’s as if the stomach goes on strike and refuse food. I didn’t even realise I forgot my dinner for the past few days. It’s either I can’t eat or I can’t finish half of a proper serving. Today I stepped onto the weighing scale that read 36.6kg. I never thought I would get back to this weight.
My friends are starting to say I lost the glow on my face. They say I look pale and tired all the time. And I can feel it too. My body isn’t functioning well either.
If only I can just give up on everything and not feel bad.
I was tired physically at work today considering the fact I went clubbing last night. It was fun. But short-lived.
Couldn’t sleep at all cos I drank a tad too much. Stomach wasn’t well with the alcohol in it. Got so awful I made multiple attempts to vomit but nothing came out. I was groaning when the time for work drew nearer.
The journey to work this morning was torturous. I was agitated at every single action of the passing beings. I was pissed with everything. The bus driver and jam didn’t help either. All I was trying to do was hold back my tears. All I can say I just wish I can cry it all out and get it over and done with. But if only it’s that easy.
Got to work. The girls cheered me up a lot. It was as if there weren’t any worries at all. I laughed for a good 7 hours at work with them. But when it was time for knock off, reality hits back. BAM! Waiting 40 minutes for the bus home wasn’t exactly the comfort I was looking forward to. When the bus finally came, it was packed. I took a cab instead. 15 bucks but at least I got a comfy seat and a white-haired cabbie who warmed my heart by telling me his life back in primary school.
Got home. Ate dinner. Couldn’t finish it.
I finally broke down in front of my half-eaten dinner when my manager texted me asking if everything is fine. It’s tiring to pretend everything is fine. It’s hard to even struggle alone. Friends were there when I needed them. But ultimately, as the skies turn dark, it’s me alone fighting.
Things haven’t been smooth lately. And I’m struggling to keep my mind on track. Is this what I want? Will I regret? Think with my mind or with my heart?
I have no answers to all these questions. And it’s tiring me out as each day passes.
Why must things turn out this way, complicated and ugly?