Caleb is 2 months young!

How did 2 months pass by so quickly? It felt like he was still the fragile little bean that popped out of me yesterday. I am missing the newborn size of him. He’s grown taller, and gained about double his birth weight. Poor arms of mine.

Now that he’s grown a lil bigger, it’s been a lot easier to handle his body in terms of carrying and playing with him. Sometimes I hold his two hands and move them around while singing to him and he laughs at that. Oh my. This IS motherhood. I’m definitely loving it! Of course he has his cranky moments, well, a lot of them actually, but still manageable for now. I really wish he can tone down a lil with his activeness sometimes. Like, don’t babies need to sleep at all??

Night duties are pretty much routined now. He wakes after 3 to 4 hours, if lucky, 5, for milk after a heavy feed at night. Then back to his 2 to 3 hourly intervals. It’s a cycle.

Somehow I am loving his diaper-changing times. He absolutely loves them, especially when I’m cleaning his butt. I guess he loves a clean butt hahaha! And he’s always kicking his legs around while I change his diaper, so that really trains my coordination and patience a lot.

Amidst the crankiness, I still find joy in being a mother, his mother. I’m amazed how having a kid has changed my life and thoughts. While I am not a perfect mother, but I will try to be the perfect mother to my son.

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Happy 2 months young, Caleb, my baby!

Motherhood is incredulous

Incredible + Ridiculous.

Babies are a fun bunch but not when they are crying at 3am for milk. I have been warned about losing sleep and I have mentally prepared myself for it. I thought “hey no big deal, I used to stay up late til 5am without sleeping when I was young.” Keywords: when I was young.

Whoever would think that dragging yourself up from bed at 3am to breastfeed a crying baby would be so physically tormenting. And with a sleepy baby who latched on for just a bit before dozing back off to sleep, and then crying again in 1 hour. So not fun.

Why did I allow myself to be subjected to such slavery?

Confinement aunty has left and I miss her terribly. Because I am so not enjoying night duties. But when he flashes a quick smile at me, everything tough is forgotten. Strange, how this little tiny baby can mess up my mind this way.

Motherhood is ridiculous because no one ever gets sleep now. But it’s also been incredible because it’s so satisfying.

3 weeks old!

Baby Caleb is 3 weeks old today.

Just 3 weeks ago, he was still giving me a hard time in the labour ward. Time flew past rather quickly. Now he’s put on a bit more weight and getting chubbier everywhere, especially his cheeks. He looks more like Leland now haha! Indirectly saying Caleb resembles his dad cos they are both fat.

This boy has been pretty cranky the past week ever since he got a scare from my mum for shouting too loudly being over-excited seeing Caleb on her weekly visit. Ok Mummy, you gotta chill. Your grandson cranky means no one can rest at all.

At least I’m still on my confinement and the aunty is still around to help, I still can get ample rest and shun some mummy duties and pretend I didn’t hear Caleb’s cryings.

Motherhood is really awesome. Everyone tells me that and I believe it now.

Other than his crankiness, a whole load of dirty diapers and cleaning his ass, constant feedings every 1 to 2 hours (growth spurt!), sore tits from both latching and pumping, restless days and nights, constant cracking of brain to soothe a crying baby, constantly feeling hot since no fans allowed during confinement, dirty hair, ugly nursing wear and strict diet, motherhood is just awesome. Seeing him wide awake and smiling at me just makes me forget all the exhaustion and ‘pain’ I go through for this little guy.

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Hello, Caleb!

My little Redbean was born 26 Aug 2016 in the afternoon after a long and arduous labour of 30 hours! I deserve a huge round of applause!

Born 2 days shy from his EDD, Redbean finally was willing to come out after torturing me for 38 hours in the delivery ward.

The story goes like this.

Long and heavy post ahead!

Continue reading “Hello, Caleb!”

Being Pregnant – Making a Choice

Had our week 39 checkup yesterday. I was dilated 2cm and Dr Goh further stretched my cervix a lil to allow labour to kick in soon. I wouldn’t want to go beyond 40 weeks because Redbean is getting quite big now. About 3.1kg yesterday, plus minus 10%! He could be 2.8 to 3.4kg in actual size but Dr Goh assured me he can’t be 3.4kg based on my tummy size.

Dr Goh: You can consider inducing already.

Me: Huh really ah?

Dr Goh: Baby’s a good weight. It’s favourable to induce.

Me: *turns to Leland* How??

Leland: Why you ask me? It’s up to you. You want to induce?

Dr Goh: If you choose to induce, you can admit tonight at midnight then we will insert the pill and monitor. Then I’ll see you tomorrow morning to see if you’re ready.

Me: What are the chances of successful induction? Cos I thought if fail twice, will need to do c-sect.

Dr Goh: The maximum tries for induction can go up to 4 times but I doubt you will go past 2.

Me: *turns to Leland again* HOW? Shall we induce?

Leland: See you lor.

Dr Goh: I can prepare the letter for you, you can go back and think about it.

Me: So if we don’t want to induce, we don’t have to go hospital tonight.

Dr Goh: Yes, then you let us know you choose to wait.

Me: Hmmm ok let’s just do it then.

Dr Goh: Ok I’ll prepare the letter for you, just bring it to the hospital later when you admit.

The minute we stood up, I had mixed feelings and doubts already. What choice should I have made? It was definitely out of impulse. Right, right??

While waiting for the bill, we were discussing the pros and cons and whether it was necessary to bring Redbean out earlier than expected. I was just 1 week away from my EDD. It wasn’t that early. Plus I was getting really tired and anxious of waiting for the water bag to break.

Leland didn’t seem to keen on inducing since there weren’t any medical issues. He could stay inside til he’s ready. I was torn. I wanted to see him but yet I was afraid of the complications during labour since Redbean would be even bigger as days go. I was also worried my choice would result in unnecessary opinions and comments from others.

Leland had to get back to work so he dropped me off. I broke down the moment I reached home. I was alone with Casper. He saw me cry and left me alone. I didn’t have the mood to even greet him.

While crying and texting Leland, I impulsively thought we should wait for him to come when he’s ready since Leland wasn’t too supportive about induction. So I called the clinic and informed them we wouldn’t be admitting in at midnight.

I then cried for a whole hour until Leland came home with dinner. I broke down again after dinner while gorging down his birthday tiramisu cake. I really was afraid of my choice. Before Redbean is born, I already feel like I’m a bad mother. Just because of the choice I made. Was I right? Was I incredibly wrong? I had no idea.

But since we already decided, I shall throw away all negativity and wished that nature has its way of dealing with my child.

Redbean, we will be ready for your arrival, whenever you’re ready.