Had our week 39 checkup yesterday. I was dilated 2cm and Dr Goh further stretched my cervix a lil to allow labour to kick in soon. I wouldn’t want to go beyond 40 weeks because Redbean is getting quite big now. About 3.1kg yesterday, plus minus 10%! He could be 2.8 to 3.4kg in actual size but Dr Goh assured me he can’t be 3.4kg based on my tummy size.
Dr Goh: You can consider inducing already.
Me: Huh really ah?
Dr Goh: Baby’s a good weight. It’s favourable to induce.
Me: *turns to Leland* How??
Leland: Why you ask me? It’s up to you. You want to induce?
Dr Goh: If you choose to induce, you can admit tonight at midnight then we will insert the pill and monitor. Then I’ll see you tomorrow morning to see if you’re ready.
Me: What are the chances of successful induction? Cos I thought if fail twice, will need to do c-sect.
Dr Goh: The maximum tries for induction can go up to 4 times but I doubt you will go past 2.
Me: *turns to Leland again* HOW? Shall we induce?
Leland: See you lor.
Dr Goh: I can prepare the letter for you, you can go back and think about it.
Me: So if we don’t want to induce, we don’t have to go hospital tonight.
Dr Goh: Yes, then you let us know you choose to wait.
Me: Hmmm ok let’s just do it then.
Dr Goh: Ok I’ll prepare the letter for you, just bring it to the hospital later when you admit.
The minute we stood up, I had mixed feelings and doubts already. What choice should I have made? It was definitely out of impulse. Right, right??
While waiting for the bill, we were discussing the pros and cons and whether it was necessary to bring Redbean out earlier than expected. I was just 1 week away from my EDD. It wasn’t that early. Plus I was getting really tired and anxious of waiting for the water bag to break.
Leland didn’t seem to keen on inducing since there weren’t any medical issues. He could stay inside til he’s ready. I was torn. I wanted to see him but yet I was afraid of the complications during labour since Redbean would be even bigger as days go. I was also worried my choice would result in unnecessary opinions and comments from others.
Leland had to get back to work so he dropped me off. I broke down the moment I reached home. I was alone with Casper. He saw me cry and left me alone. I didn’t have the mood to even greet him.
While crying and texting Leland, I impulsively thought we should wait for him to come when he’s ready since Leland wasn’t too supportive about induction. So I called the clinic and informed them we wouldn’t be admitting in at midnight.
I then cried for a whole hour until Leland came home with dinner. I broke down again after dinner while gorging down his birthday tiramisu cake. I really was afraid of my choice. Before Redbean is born, I already feel like I’m a bad mother. Just because of the choice I made. Was I right? Was I incredibly wrong? I had no idea.
But since we already decided, I shall throw away all negativity and wished that nature has its way of dealing with my child.
Redbean, we will be ready for your arrival, whenever you’re ready.